Of course, I wasn't aware that I hadn't returned the book. I did a mass return one afternoon, and sort of assumed that this particular book was lurking somewhere in the pile. It was only when I logged on to my student account to reserve a book that my eyes strayed to the "Fines" section and I saw, with great aghastness (new word TM me), that the fines had been racking up, apparently expontentially, and I now owed the library 75 dollars.
Well, fuck that for a joke. I made a complete trashpile of the house (not that it needed much encouragement) as I tore it apart, looking for this wayward tome. No luck. It was gone.
So I sent a polite email to the library loans department, explaining my situation, and could it be possible that the book had not been marked as returned, even though I had done so? They sent me back a form letter explaining that they would search the shelves in an attempt to help me out. Isn't that nice?
Two weeks passed, during which the 75 dollar fine weighed heavily on my soul. Then, on the day I FOUND THE FUCKING BOOK (don't ask), a response.
Dear SCOTT,
We regret that we are unable to locate the book you so stupidly lost, you retard. Basically, you've got three choices. Either:
- Come and search the shelves yourself (which, with a good eight or nine storeys and probably a couple of million items to search through, should be a blast);
- Cough up $125 so we can spend it on chocolate biscuits in the staff tea room;
- Buy us a new copy of the book and pay an extra $30 so that we can put a barcode on it and get one of our mothers to cover it in Contact.
You decide, bitch. Kisses,
The Library Staff.
I may have paraphrased a bit, but you get the drift. I considered my options carefully. I had planned on buying the book anyway. Option One was out, considering I had already FOUND THE BOOK ANYWAY and returning it at this late stage would result in me being $75 out of pocket, with no book to show for it. So it was down to Two and Three. By the narrowest of margins, Option Three won out because it would leave me approximately $7 better off, and when I am so ill-equipped to part with large amounts of money, this was an important consideration.
The book was ordered and shipped within 7-10 working days, and I was ready to roll.
___________________________________________________________________
And now I'm home with my parents and I'd forgotten I even had a blog, let alone that it needed updating, so I'm just going to post this half-finished entry and leave you all in suspense until I get home. Kisses.
