In anticipation of The Gay American's arrival some time this week (details are sketchy. I was under the impression that he wanted to avoid moving into my fortress of doom for as long as he possibly could, but he told me yesterday that he was ready to move "as soon as possible," so god knows what day I'll arrive home to find him sitting on the doorstep with his massive television and collection of designer jeans), I started cleaning the house.

There's an awful lot of house to clean, especially for one person, and some of the house doesn't seem to enjoy being cleaned at all and ends up looking worse than it did before. The walls of the laundry, for example, took on the properties of an old person's dry skin and began to flake before my eyes. I hope the place hasn't been given an extra coat of asbestos.

Also, because Jenny (lover of the environment that she is, apart from her ability to enter a room without turning on the light at any time of the day or night) is no longer around, I'm free to use bugspray to do away with the hordes of cockroaches that come marching in every night, rather than having to resort to making a mess of my shoes and hoping desperately for a clean kill. I've never really gotten used to the hearty crunching noise they make when their exoskeleton (or whatever) gives way beneath my mighty Dunlop Volley, and I've lost count of the times I've inadvertantly twisted my foot a little as I make the kill, resulting in cockraoch guts being spread all over the floor/wall/bathtub and the activation of my gag reflex as I wipe it up with a paper towel. I sprayed the hot water cupboard yesterday afternoon, and ever since there has been a steady march of cockroaches in various stages of their death throes staggering out onto my bathroom floor. I considered leaving them out to serve as warnings to any other cockroaches thinking of paying a visit, but then decided that was a little too gross, even by my house's standards.

I also weeded the back yard, and as a result I am pretty much in agony every time I sit, stand or try to move. Stupid lack of stamina.

The countdown begins.