Five things Bus Stop Dude has said to me in the last week before a bus turns up and whisks me away to safety.

a) "My friends think of me as their rock, you know? They know I'd do anything for them, I'll always be there for them, they can call me any time. They're my family."

b) "I just don't need that type of baggage in my life anymore, you know? It's not what I'm about right now."

c) "I'd call myself a pretty spiritual person."

d) "Sometimes I think I can just read people too well. Like on September 11, I was just sitting there watching the news and crying my eyes out."

e) "You're about 28, right?"


Right (he types through gritted teeth). Let's deal with each of these in turn, shall we?


a) Does anyone else irrationally HATE this kind of statement (with the fire of a thousand suns)? It's just so trite, or...self-serving, or...SOMETHING, I don't know. Maybe you should tell me that you like to dance like nobody's watching. Or that you avoid cliche like the plague. Or that "ur str8-acting sorry no GAM or fatties." Whatever. You like your friends and let them call you at 3am! You have no personal boundaries! I GET IT. Do you think I need to be convinced further about what an amazing and considerate person you are? How about you tell me how you're all sorted and understanding and shit, and in touch with your own emotions and those of others? Oh wait, that's still to come...

b) People who claim to not want any baggage in their life are delusional. Life IS baggage. There will be people who unload their problems on you, or drag you in, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. This is not a just world and bad things often happen to good people. IN ADDITION, to distance yourself from this sort of thing casts a bit of doubt on claim a), dontcha think? Also, talking about "where you're about" in life makes it sound like you should be a sassy guest on a trashy American talk show. Don't even go there, girlfriend.

c) You have a big ol' chunk of quartz sitting on a shelf somewhere?

d) If you're so empathic, guess how I'm feeling right now.

e) Dear World, STOP ACTING SO FUCKING SURPRISED AT THE FACT I'M 23. Being told I'm "so mature" translates as "Old Man Time really took a bat to your face, didn't he." I've had my age guessed at numerous times recently, and for some reason 28 is the magic number. I have no issues with being 28, at least not when I'm ACTUALLY 28. In FIVE YEARS TIME. Sorry for the shouting.

Also, I think he wears eye shadow, or cakey makeup of some sort. But that concern is currently coming a distant sixth.